I want to have your abortion
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize