Michael Bay diarrhea
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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