the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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