My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
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I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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