DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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