You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the day after is always just damage control
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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