dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
