sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize