I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
