I hate your face
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
