exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize