Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
