Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
