so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize