I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
