Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
