it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
