you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
