Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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