I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
