I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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