Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
And then he peed in my hair
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