YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
