those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
