we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
