If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
did you just send me my own nude
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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