You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
