Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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