Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
