I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
All the doctor said was why
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
