worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
