in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am midnight drunk by noon
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
