he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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