Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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