please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Quick, to the slutcave!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
