I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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