I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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