I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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