I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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