So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
