remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just cropdusted the office
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
