i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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