Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
