You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
