see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
