another moral hangover. fuck.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
