ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
