Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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