You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize