Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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