I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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