Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
