Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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