Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
