Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
