Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
