The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
