So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
