I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize