he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
