and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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