Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
