hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
