Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
