Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's never too late to be topless.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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