its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
