I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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