I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
