I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
where am i from again
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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