Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
