if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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