Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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