I'm jealous of your bromance
is wine microwaveable?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
