This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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