Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
