I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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