Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
